Bear's Bootcamp vs Life…

Fun & fitness (& other words I never thought would go together…)

Life after detox…

on 9 June 2012

Well, I achieved my target and it was all going so swimmingly and then 1 thing went wrong and the dominoes began to fall… As you know if you read these; I find this to be the forum where I can be refreshingly honest, and although I maybe playfully pessimistic at times, I don’t dwell on negativity and can always find the silver lining in most things.  However, my own faith has been challenged to the hilt lately and I’ve had to turn to my new religion of Cambridge Bootcamps to see me through.

I’ll give you the short version so as not to bore you on a dreary day but it started with a simple trampoline jump at the end of February where my gorgeous godson accidentally landed on my chest – I was totally winded and for a short spell did think I may have snapped a rib or two for dramatic effect; but I was fine… I started finding breathing more of a chore and running became a problem because I just couldn’t seem to get enough breath and air moving through me to cope with an accelerated pace, so I went to see my asthma nurse who told me that whatever I was doing, keep doing it as my asthma had never been better? [confusing for me, but score for Cambridge Bootcamps – and yet another case where I had to eat humble pie because Charlie was right! goddamn it!]  I was also suffering from increased anxiety, where I had such a ridiculous amount of panic attacks on one particular day, that I thought I might have a heart attack (again with the drama queen I know! but I tell thee, I was worried there for a wee moment).

It wasn’t until 6 weeks after trampoline-gate that I realised what it was… 10yrs ago I had my first instance of the precarious balance of life when I witnessed my first domino fall – the extremely short version: after a thyroid operation I went from hyper to hypo; I stopped smoking; my metabolism crashed; I put on 2 stone on in 2 months = sliding hiatus hernia from speedy weight gain (I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either!)  So, after a weekend of excess where I aggravated the hell out of it, my hernia was back and now thanks to some self-inflicted inflammation; was filling up my chest cavity like a little balloon, impeding my ability to breathe with clarity and pressing on my Vagus nerve (connected to the central nervous system) which was causing the anxiety.

Unfortunately, the dominoes didn’t stop there – the stress of it all and increased anxiety just added to the build up of acid and the reflux generated by my now inflamed hernia was causing me problems with my throat which ended up with an upper respiratory tract infection of the larynx [a pretty fancy way of saying a fecking sore throat and lack of voice! ] of which, I’m still suffering and waiting to find out if the damage done is permanent.  The throat problems and constant acid reflux have understandably put me off eating [even though I have to eat at least something every 4hrs to curb the reflux], which, along with the fact that I haven’t been able to go to Bootcamp, has in turn caused a gain in weight of everything I lost on the detox and a few extra pounds for some ironic good measure.

I was trying to come up with ideas during a drink-fuelled pity party as to what I could do but the ideas weren’t quite as productive or maybe, realistic, as I would have liked…

1) Starting smoking again to increase my metabolic rate – not really an option because of my throat, where I already sound like a cross between Marge Simpson and Madge from Neighbours!  Although my Bonnie Tyler impersonation is coming on a treat… do they still do ‘Stars in Your Eyes’ ??

2) Crawling up in bed until it all goes away – as popular as this one was with me, that bed would soon turn into a park bench if I didn’t get my increasingly fat arse up to work and pay the mortgage…

3) Going on a ‘breakdown’ rampage – again, pretty popular as the idea of taking it all out on the rest of the world feels smashingly cathartic (sorry world) but alas, I also like not having a criminal record and quite enjoy being a part of everyday society…

4) Drinking like a d-list celebrity who’s just got out of rehab (*coughs, Lindsay Lohan*) – much like the smoking option, this would just cause more problems for my health and, thanks to tax increases, my pocket – but I also suspect this one might be the most fun and I’m trying very hard to resist…

I really hate feeling sorry for myself, it’s such a waste of life, so last night I sat down and I read through hundreds of posts and words of encouragement that pass between our amazing Bootcamp girls everyday.  Stories of inspiration that tug at your heart strings but ultimately motivate you into wanting something better for yourself.  After all, I may not be in control of everything that happens to me, but I AM in control of how I respond to it and I choose for it not to take me down.  So this afternoon I’m doing something I have been putting off for a long time and I have an appointment with an estate agent to sell my apartment.  Hopefully this will be the kick-start I need to start afresh in the place where I really want to be; nearer to my friends and nearer to the Bootcamps that help keep me sane 🙂


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